Dr Lily Tomas and Greg de Jong © 2015| Privacy Policy


Emotional Intelligence for

Health and Happiness














Emotional Intelligence is the set of skills that relate to managing our emotions and the relationships we are involved in, be they home, work, playground or otherwise. They have been demonstrated to be an important factor in success at work and in the community as outlined by a series of books by Daniel Goleman.


Is Emotional Intelligence important to my Health?


It is extremely important. Any deficit in Emotional Intelligence will lead to personal conflicts within your relationships and in turn the stress response. Furthermore, prolonged negative emotions such as anger are associated with toxic neurochemical release increasing the risk of illness.



Is there Science to This? 


Yes. Many of the scientific studies on the influence of Emotional Intelligence and Relationships on health are outlined in Dr Dean Ornish’s work, Love and Survival.


All manner of illness from cardiac disease and cancer to the common cold are influenced by emotional intelligence. For instance, simply the number and diversity of relationships you have has an influence on your likelihood of catching the common cold when exposed to it (this may be offset by the risk of being exposed by contact, however).




So Relationships are Important to my Health?


Extremely important, since the success or failure of our relationships determines what diseases we may experience and the likelihood of recovery.


For instance, the survival rates amongst breast cancer sufferers is greater for married women as opposed to unmarried women across all indicators, with the presence or absence of an additional close person to talk to being an additional factor.




Are you just talking about Close Relationships?


No. Successful involvement in community, charities, support and religious groups (irrespective of denomination) all have been demonstrated to influence health and survival rates amongst people with a disease.




And what about my Pets?


In fact, pets and even pot plants have a positive influence on our health. When we begin to care, nurture and be nurtured back, health benefits result regardless of the subject.




So I need to have successful relationships? 


Yes, and that is why Emotional Intelligence is so important.




What are the fundamentals of Emotional Intelligence?


The five fundamental of Emotional Intelligence are considered to be:


Knowing your Emotions

Managing your Emotions

Motivating Yourself

Identifying Emotions in others

Managing Relationships




How do I develop Emotional Intelligence skills? 


By spending time learning Emotional Intelligence skills and applying what you learn, like any other intellectual or physical skills.




So what are these skills?


Take time to look through the EI list and identify which skills you need to develop.

Investigate local groups, seminars, books, education packages, Web information (including this expanding site for methods of improving your Emotional Intelligence).



Download Your Emotional Intelligence Checklist by Ckicking on the Icon.




Before Starting, can you give any Key Points to achieving

Health and Happiness through Emotional Intelligence?


The most important commitment is to decide to prioritise your relationships through aiming for Life Balance. As introduced, Emotional Intelligence skills can be developed to make you more successful in life, but this does not always equate to health and happiness. If you use these skills to manipulate rather than relate to others, conflict will continue, and health and happiness will not result.




And the Easiest Way to Start?


Start by paying more attention to watching yourself and watching others.

Be mindful of your thoughts.


Listen to what your own words are saying. There are various ways to deliver the same message, but it is important to understand why you choose the words you do.


Understand what emotions you are feeling. Simply naming them and understanding their diversity and the variety of responses you can help diversify your range of mature responses.


Furthermore, ask whether or not your inner feelings are consistent with your outer expressions (if not, your body is already in neurological and neurochemical conflict).


Sometimes this is necessary (athough unfortunate) e.g. remaining strong in a crisis, hence the importance of developing emotion control, but most of the time genuine emotional expression leads to health and happiness so as to resolve the appropriate neurological and neurochemical of the body.



And How about Improving my Communication Skills with Others?


In watching others you may, at first, simply observe as a bystander, learning about the way people interact. Progress to watching how others respond to you, trying to comprehend why. This is harder but one of the ultimate goals of Emotional Intelligence.


From here you will need to identify your individual shortfalls in communication and expression. Your issues will differ. Some people are overly expressive, others need assertiveness, so review the comprehensive list provided and work on your own individual needs.



And Motivation?


The key to success in health and happiness is a large topic on its own. There are many good works on Motivation but the key is to find what works for you.


You may need to read, watch or attend various motivation providers until you find what works for you, but the bottom line is that Motivation is critical to making any change in life including committing to a diet, an exercise programme or even a motivation programme itself.